By Kyrie Luke
This is my perspective, as a first time mom, on my experience being a new mom. Of course, not all of this will apply to every person. However, I believe that this information will be beneficial for any first time mom to keep in mind as they head into mommyhood. I’m writing this as a first time mom who has come out of the fog of new motherhood and my baby is now 7 months old.
- 1. your baby’s cry may have a visceral effect on You
- 2. The sleep deprivation has an end
- Watch my video on being a first time mom
- 3. buy all the things (at least for the first time)
- 4. Buy all the things used
- 5. it’s ok to not have your mama instincts perfectly calibrated
- 6. baby wearing is a life saver
- 7. The newborn stage is not the best stage
- 8. no two days are the same
- 9. You will have time for yourself again
- 10. you can do less and your baby will be perfectly fine
- 11. seasons come and go
- 12. You will feel like yourself again
- 13. there’s help for postpartum depression/baby blues
- Pin it for later – first time mom: 13 positive things to know
- shop this post
- First time mom faqs
- More From healthfully rooted home
- about me
1. your baby’s cry may have a visceral effect on You
I used to think that people would get so worked up about baby crying because it was just an annoyance. Oh how I was wrong. From the moment I heard my son, Jaxon’s, cry it gave me a pit in my stomach like I’ve never felt before.
This is normal and it’s biological. We are meant to have a quick response to our babies cries. Babies cry to let us know they need us for something (food, sleep, environmental comfort, or just snuggles and love) – as their parent, we will be hard wired to react quickly to this.
2. The sleep deprivation has an end
As a first time mom, you will likely feel like you’ll never sleep again. You’ll probably also obsess over how to get more sleep. I would be embarrassed to show you my google searches during the time when I wasn’t getting sleep. 99.9% of them revolved around how to get my baby to sleep. When you are so deprived of something that is so necessary for normal human functioning, it makes sense that we would obsess about how to get it again!
Whether you sleep train in some form or fashion, co-sleep, or do nothing at all – your baby will most likely end up sleeping through the night. Trust me, I tried everything (most of what I did actually did work – but I’m sure he would have ended up sleeping no matter what).
Watch my video on being a first time mom
3. buy all the things (at least for the first time)
This probably goes against the grain when it comes to first time mom tips. I know the minimalist mom tips are rampant right now, and I would typically subscribe to that mentality. However, when it comes to baby gear, I bought and was gifted SO much that really came in handy. The things I didn’t buy but was thinking about buying – I ended up buying after my baby was born because I actually did need it (or want it).
My point here is if you think it’ll make your life easier, it might – so buy it! Trust me, when you have your new baby, you’ll want anything that helps to make your life easier.
4. Buy all the things used
One caveat for the point above is that you should definitely try to save money by buying used baby gear! The beauty about the fact that babies are finicky (and all completely different) is that you can find almost brand new baby gear on second-hand websites for way less than brand new! So, mama, don’t buy that brand spanking new Mamaroo for $300 – get it for less than half from someone in your local community. After-all, your baby could be like mine and hate it (thank goodness I borrowed the one I used).
5. it’s ok to not have your mama instincts perfectly calibrated
Don’t feel bad if you don’t feel like you know exactly why your baby is crying. I thought more of this whole mommyhood thing would come naturally, even as a first time mom. For me, it actually didn’t seem that natural. My mama instincts felt weak, especially in the very beginning. My baby actually did have horrible acid reflux/colic, but I didn’t want to seem like a dramatic first time mom, so I didn’t push harder for help. Sometimes not wanting to feel like an overdramatic first time mom can cloud your mama instincts a bit – this is normal and totally ok.
6. baby wearing is a life saver
Not only does baby wearing enable you to get stuff done, but it gives you bonding time with your baby. They feel close to you which they love (not just in the 4th trimester). It can help to do skin to skin with your baby in the wrap too for nursing purposes.
There were so many times I had to (and still do) wear my baby when he is fussy and it’s like magic – he just calms down within minutes. There are a few minutes in the beginning where he seems like he hates it and is pretty squirmy – but then he chills out and lies his head on my chest.
7. The newborn stage is not the best stage
Of course, every baby is different, so naturally, every first-time mom’s experience will be different. But, for me, having a newborn that was never comfortable, screamed for hours at a time, and was in constant reflux pain, was not the best stage. It was so hard for me to hear this when people would tell me how much they loved the newborn stage. I hated (almost) every second of it. There, I said it – don’t come after me. I loved my baby so incredibly much – and obviously, I loved the cuddles; but the newborn stage was not the best stage for me. I felt like I was always doing something wrong, or like my life was going to be horrible forever (if this was truly the best stage).
Don’t worry though, if you’re pregnant and this scares you, please know that my situation was so different than most people’s. My point with this is don’t compare someone else’s favorite stage to a stage that is clearly awful for you. If it feels awful for you, it would probably feel awful for them too if they were experiencing the same things. Better stages will come.
8. no two days are the same
Bad days are just that, days. The next day is likely going to be equally as good as that day was bad. Also, things that work one day (to calm your fussy baby, get them to sleep, make them smile, etc.) probably won’t work the next day. This is where you just have to roll with it and keep trying new things – you aren’t doing anything wrong though; babies are just fickle.
9. You will have time for yourself again
There is a sort of all-hands-on-deck vibe around having a new baby. That slowly goes away as your baby becomes less and less dependent on you. It’s so interesting how each week your baby needs you a little less than the one before. I know I’ll look back and miss when my baby needed me so much; but I hope even when he is fully self-sufficient, I’m finding things to enjoy about the uniqueness of that stage!
10. you can do less and your baby will be perfectly fine
As a first-time mom, you’ll read so much about what you “should” be doing: tummy time, sleep training, how to play with them, etc. What I’ve learned, though, is that your baby will make all their progressions on their own time no matter how you push them to do so. In other words, you could do so much less than you think and your baby will still thrive.
11. seasons come and go
Every season, whether good or bad, doesn’t last. Recognize when you’re in a good season and soak up every second. Realize, when you’re in a bad season, it will pass.
12. You will feel like yourself again
When you first have your baby, you’ll be in such a daze. For me, this daze lasted about 5 months (seriously). It may seem like you’ll never get back to feeling normal but you absolutely will. The fog will lift and you will start to feel like yourself again – actually, an even better version of yourself! One thing I love about postpartum is how it challenges you in ways that help you to grow as a human.
13. there’s help for postpartum depression/baby blues
The baby blues and postpartum depression are different but both extremely common. There is zero shame in either – I had both, in fact. The good news, is there are so many resources for both. Having PPD doesn’t taint your postpartum experience and it doesn’t make you a bad mom – it is simply a chemical and hormonal imbalance. Your body just went through the most insane roller coaster of hormones – give yourself some grace and seek help if you need it.
My advice here is to know the signs and don’t wait to talk to your provider. I waited way too long and once I finally go help, I felt immensely better faster than I could have imagined. Feel free to reach out to me personally if you want to talk (my email is on my homepage, or DM me on Instagram).
Pin it for later – first time mom: 13 positive things to know
shop this post
- Simply Earth essential oils – They send super fun monthly kits with a theme and everything you need to make that month’s themed product. This month is was non-toxic candles! You can also just buy one-off purchases.
- Primally Pure – Literally the most luxurious products you’ll ever use. Seriously.
First time mom faqs
The transition from 0 to 1 child is often said to be the most difficult. Your whole world is flipped upside down. The thing that was the most difficult for me was the concept of having something to care for 24/7 – no sick days, no lazy Sundays, no sleeping in. Internally, you know this is how it is prior to having a baby, but the pressure of this feels really heavy when you’re actually living this.
As a first-time mom, it’s important to know how you plan to feed your baby and anything having to do with feeding (when to feed, how to feed, milk safety, storage guidelines, etc.). It’s also important to know general safe sleep guidelines for your baby. Know the signs of postpartum depression and what you can do. Other than that, you will learn so much as you go but the above tips are a great place to start.
To prepare as a first-time mom, it’s helpful to have diaper stations set up in multiple areas of your house. Have your postpartum supplies by your bed so you don’t have to move very much in the first few weeks. Have a plan for quick and easy meals.
As a new mom, make sure you have all your postpartum essentials such as perineal balm, pads, a huge water bottle, comfortable undies, comfy jammies, postnatal (or prenatal) vitamins, and a good book or some kind of entertainment.
To help a first-time mom bring them food – a couple of quick meals and snacks are great. Start a load of laundry for them or help tidy things up around the house if they want. And don’t overstay your welcome (this sounds harsh but it’s so helpful to do quick visits when a mama is postpartum).
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